My parents met in a bar. Mom was applying for a position and a guy at the counter yelled at her, “When you’re done with the interview, come over to me for the physical!” She thought he was a jerk and accidentally married him.

I’ll get back to that.

On their first date he invited her to play tennis. He was pretty good having played some in the Navy but this would be her first time. She was a young woman in her early 20’s, six feet tall, beautiful and looking to impress. Naturally she needed a tennis outfit. I don’t know exactly what she wore but I like to picture something like this:

This isn’t my mother by the way. It’s an image I stole off the internet. (Cool site Kristina!) 

The point is, she was decked out and looked very professional for her first tennis game ever on her first date with my dad. He shows up at her door wearing Bermuda shorts, long white socks up to his kneecaps and a work T-shirt. He drove for a trucking company and its logo was proudly represented…

Subtle.

Mom opened the door, drank in the image… mismatched outfit, long socks, those words… and did what any normal woman would do in that situation: She laughed until tears started to form. Dad said, “Well. I’ll be a son of a bitch,” and hightailed it out of there. He left her standing in the doorway, tears of laughter streaming down her face thinking she would never see him again.

About 45 minutes later he showed back up. His intentions remained emblazoned across his chest but he was wearing long pants. It took her the better part of a decade to convince him she wasn’t laughing at his legs. Boys can be dumb. (Sorry, Dad.)

Their tennis date began and dad was lobbing balls at her nice and easy and she could tell he was bored. She was warming up and certainly looked hot in her cute tennis getup and undoubtedly wanted to impress him a little with her prowess so she  boldly announced, “You can hit it a little harder. I won’t learn if you make it so easy for me.” The breath from those words hadn’t left her mouth when he hit that ball so hard that she never saw it coming. Unfortunately for mom, dad has great aim. The ball hit her square between the eyes, knocking her with such force that her feet flew up and she landed flat on her back. She was out cold.

He thought he killed her.

Two women from an adjacent court came running, “We’re nurses! We’re nurses!” Can you even  imagine? They are lucky really, that they didn’t date after the rise of social media.

Mom’s Facebook Wall: So, I went on a first date with this guy and he shows up in a shirt that basically says “Hey baby, let’s get busy!” Then he swears at me and leaves for almost an hour! Comes back and knocks me TOTES UNCONSCIOUS with a tennis ball in the middle of our date! UGH!

Comment #1: OMG! Did you call the cops?

Comment #2: Girl, tell me you are NEVER going out with his sorry butt again! Gross!

Comment #3: I told you his picture looked creepy.

Happily, mom lived, it wasn’t the digital age and they managed to get married. Oddly enough, they never played tennis again. However, about a year later, my dad’s best friend was telling the story about mom applying for a job at that bar. He was recounting dad’s lewd comment and the air left the room as everyone caught sight of mom’s face. Apparently, that was news to her. She had no idea she’d married the jerk.

Mom’s Twitter Account: Ya’ll aren’t even going to believe this one. #MyHusbandIsAPervert

Sometimes, even when the universe is stacked against two people, and they seem to be actively conspiring against themselves, love manages to find a way.